| There are many different ideas about why we | | | | Our schools consistently peg our children as |
| don't seek therapy. Some believe that it is only | | | | aggressive, out of control, and low achieving. We |
| for wealthy, White people, others believe that you | | | | have to fight to receive the same service as our |
| don't go outside the family with your problems. | | | | White counterparts, whether it's in our schools, |
| Some of these thoughts keep us struggling more | | | | hospitals or office. Going to therapy poses |
| than we need to. Here are some of the more | | | | another opportunity to encounter racism and |
| prevalent ones. | | | | discrimination if you're met with an insensitive or |
| "But I'm not touched" | | | | ignorant therapist. |
| Many of us think you have to be "touched" or | | | | When I worked in an agency, I often saw |
| "crazy" to go to therapy." While it's true that | | | | African-American clients who said in the first |
| some people with mental health issues seek | | | | session, "I'm so relieved that you're Black." Some |
| therapy, it's really a service for anyone. Therapy | | | | said that they felt more comfortable with an |
| is a paid service that connects you with a trained | | | | African-American therapist because they could |
| professional who provides you with the support | | | | talk about life and their culture without having to |
| you need to live a healthier and happier life. | | | | teach or explain the basics. Others did not like the |
| When I first met "Andre" he was apprehensive | | | | racism they encountered with White therapists. |
| about seeking therapy. For many months, he | | | | "Ayanna", an African-American woman in her 30's |
| questioned whether or not he should be in | | | | with two children, previously met with a White |
| therapy. Overall, he felt that his life was | | | | therapist before coming to see me. She was put |
| manageable and that he did not have enough | | | | off when the therapist began asking questions. |
| problems to go to therapy, after all he had a job | | | | The therapist wanted to know about her |
| and people who cared about him. He certainly was | | | | educational history and was surprised when |
| not "crazy". After several discussions about the | | | | Ayanna said that she went to college. She then |
| purpose of therapy and its benefits to him as a | | | | asked how many years of college Ayanna |
| rationale person, Andre accepted his desire for | | | | completed, rather than assuming that Ayanna had |
| therapy. In fact, in a recent session Andre said | | | | a college degree, as she does. When the therapist |
| that the healthiest people he knows are all in | | | | asked about Ayanna's children and family, she |
| therapy. He realizes that therapy is a place that | | | | asked if the children had the same father and |
| can benefit everyone, not just a small segment | | | | where was he? At this point Ayanna knew that |
| of the population. Andre further explained that the | | | | she wouldn't be comfortable with a therapist who |
| people he knows who have the most problems | | | | assumed that she was not formally educated and |
| aren't in therapy. Of course, as a therapist, this | | | | had children with different men simply because |
| makes perfect sense to me. Recognizing that | | | | she is African-American. |
| your life is not how you want it to be or that you | | | | Why African-Americans can benefit from |
| need additional support takes a lot of courage and | | | | therapy? |
| self-reflection. These are not the thoughts of a | | | | "So why bother?" With all of the struggles and |
| "crazy" person. Rather, this is the thought process | | | | oppressions that we face on a daily basis we |
| of someone who has a sense of who they are | | | | need an outlet. We need a comfortable |
| and wants more from their life and themselves. | | | | environment where we can talk about the impact |
| "I can talk to my friends and family" | | | | oppression has on us and talk about healthy and |
| Why do you need to go outside of your family | | | | productive ways to deal with it. Holding in the pain, |
| church/friendship circle to get the help and | | | | frustration, anger, and sadness eats at you, |
| support you want? Sometimes, you don't. But | | | | leaving you feeling angry and dissatisfied, not a |
| sometimes, going outside of that comfortable and | | | | rewarding way to go through life. |
| familiar circle will propel you to make the changes | | | | When you find an effective therapist, therapy can |
| that you want to. When people talk with their | | | | be a place to gain support and find more |
| family or friends, many times they don't tell them | | | | satisfying ways to live life. It is the one place, |
| everything that's going on in their head or in their | | | | perhaps the only place, where you don't have to |
| lives. This isn't to be deceptive, but because you | | | | have all of the answers and you don't have to |
| care about your family and friends and you care | | | | worry about the person sitting across from you. |
| what they think about you. | | | | It is a place where you only have to worry about |
| Keisha came to see me because she was thinking | | | | yourself and your needs. Therapy provides an |
| about leaving her husband. She recently found out | | | | objective perspective from a trained professional. |
| that he had an affair. Her family adored her | | | | The therapist's objectivity comes from not having |
| husband and she was afraid of what they would | | | | a personal relationship with you. The therapist |
| say. She hadn't made up her mind about leaving, | | | | knows you now, as you are, not as you were. |
| but she needed someone to talk to, someone | | | | They can provide feedback based on what they |
| who wouldn't immediately tell her what to do, | | | | see now, not based on how you used to be. |
| whether that meant leaving or staying. | | | | Although our family and friends may love us and |
| When you're concerned with what the other | | | | provide us with support, they cannot be objective |
| person is thinking and feeling, you cannot focus on | | | | like an outsider. Unlike personal relationships, a |
| yourself and your own needs 100%. That's the | | | | therapist has no ulterior motives; the only motive |
| benefit of therapy. You can share all of your | | | | is to make the changes in your life that you |
| thoughts and feelings without being concerned | | | | decide to make. |
| about the therapist. In doing this, you can focus | | | | How can African-Americans find a therapist? |
| on you, what you need, what you want, and | | | | First, figure out what is important to you. Do you |
| ways to accomplish that. Sometimes people are | | | | care what race your therapist is? What about |
| more honest when they go outside their circle of | | | | gender? If you think that seeing an |
| family and friends. As backwards as it may | | | | African-American therapist is necessary for you |
| sound, it can be easier to talk to a stranger, | | | | to be open and honest with them, then look for |
| easier to share your feelings, fears and pleasures | | | | that. If you're not sure, then try a few different |
| with someone who you do not see everyday. | | | | therapists out and see what feels right to you. |
| Keisha was relieved to talk about her marriage, | | | | Also, don't be afraid to ask for what you want. |
| what her husband did wrong and what she did | | | | Remember, this is a service that you're paying |
| wrong with someone who did not judge her or tell | | | | for; you are the client. As a paying customer, you |
| her what to do. This freedom allowed her to be | | | | have the right to ask for what you want. From |
| honest with herself and decide what she believed | | | | there, the therapist can tell you if they are able |
| to be best for her. Ultimately, she decided to stay | | | | to provide that service. If they cannot, ask them |
| and work on her marriage. Keisha said that she | | | | to give you referrals until you find what you're |
| was glad that she used therapy to help her sort | | | | looking for. |
| this out. Had she gone to a friend, they might | | | | Before scheduling an initial session, determine the |
| have told her to leave "that no good . . . ." And | | | | therapist's fee and make sure that you can |
| her family may have told her to stay in the | | | | afford it. Therapy is a useful tool that helps |
| marriage, to stick it out "for better or worse". | | | | people in times of crisis and fosters growth in |
| Keisha realized that she needed to come to her | | | | times of reflection. However, it is not as useful if |
| decision on her own, not to be told by others | | | | you are not committed to it. So make sure that |
| what to do. | | | | you can afford the therapist you choose. If you |
| Does this mean that your family and friends | | | | have to alter your budget to afford it that's fine; |
| aren't helpful to you? Absolutely not. Instead, it | | | | if it obliterates your budget then look for |
| means that therapy can add to the support that | | | | someone with a lower fee. If you have to cut out |
| they provide, by giving you support in a very | | | | dining out 3 times a week or paying for your |
| different way. Therapy can provide you with an | | | | morning coffees, that's altering your budget. If |
| objective person who can help you review your | | | | you cannot afford to pay your rent/mortgage, |
| options as you decide what is best for you. | | | | that's obliterating your budget. Finally, don't forget |
| "It's just another racist system" | | | | what you already know. You get what you pay |
| As African-Americans, we are aware of the | | | | for. Do higher prices mean better service? Not |
| persistent racism in our country. This is true on a | | | | necessarily, but a quality and effective therapist |
| large scale as well as in our daily interactions. We | | | | will charge within the average range for the area. |
| have many reasons to be suspicious of outsiders, | | | | When you're ready to enhance your life or get |
| to be distrustful of their motivations and actions. | | | | help with a current crisis, a therapist might be just |
| The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment is a perfect | | | | the one to call. |
| example of why we are wary of outsiders. | | | | |