| Where is Your Focus: The White Space or the | | | | you meet. As you discuss this frustration with |
| Black Dot? | | | | friends and family, you continually focus on what |
| Dr. Dionne Kress, DM | | | | you believe to be a lack of available companions |
| | | | | who have a parallel lifestyle, and complimentary |
| | | | | values and beliefs. Your typical conversations |
| Envision in your mind that you are starring at a | | | | consist of identifying red flags about each person |
| blank sheet of white paper with a large black dot | | | | you meet and how they do not live up to |
| in the middle. What do you see first, the white | | | | preconceived notions or expectations. The focus |
| space or the black dot? What do you focus on? | | | | of frustration is the black dot; all the problems |
| If you only see the black dot and do not identify | | | | with trying to find that right person for you to |
| with the white space, what is it about that black | | | | share your life. As time moves forward, you |
| dot that draws your attention? Do you see it as | | | | begin to become resentful and angry, feeling as |
| the main object on the page? How might our | | | | though the world is filled with strange people who |
| perception change if you considered the white | | | | are missing the main characteristics of being a |
| space as the main object? | | | | respectful human being. |
| It has been suggested that when we only look at | | | | Now, how might your thought process change |
| the blackness and do not consider the white | | | | and how might you alter your pursuit of a new |
| space we are missing the bigger picture. When | | | | relationship if your focus were on the white |
| we only focus in on what we first believe to be | | | | space. What if you began to consider the bigger |
| the main attraction, we miss the rest of the | | | | picture, the opportunities to learn and experience |
| event. Typically, people identify first with the black | | | | life from a new perspective. What if you |
| dot and do not consider the white space, which | | | | reframed your approach to seeking a new |
| could hold the answers to the complexities in life. | | | | relationship and you considered it an opportunity |
| Think of a time when you were trying to solve a | | | | to meet new people who have interesting |
| problem or where up against a challenge, did you | | | | experiences and lives that can enlighten you. What |
| tenaciously keep trying to solve that problem | | | | if you considered your pursuit of a relationship as |
| from the perspective of the black dot or did you | | | | an adventure or journey through which you |
| consider the white space. The white space | | | | focused on gaining a new level of self-awareness |
| represents surrounding circumstances or | | | | realizing how others responded to you and your |
| conditions encompassing the blackness. The | | | | behaviors. What if you tried to find positive |
| surrounding white space may be more relevant | | | | characteristics about each person you met that |
| providing an opportunity for learning and the | | | | inspired you. |
| solutions you are searching for. If you consider | | | | By changing how we view the black dot on the |
| and explore the meaning and opportunity of the | | | | blank white sheet of paper, we change our |
| white space you may discover the problem you | | | | perspective and focus. We begin to include all the |
| so persistently where trying to solve really was | | | | events and circumstances that challenge us when |
| not the issue at all. | | | | we are trying to find a resolution. By exploring |
| Let me give you an example: Let us say you are | | | | and embracing the bigger picture our attitude |
| a person in your late 30's and seeking to find a | | | | toward a problem or challenge will hopefully shift in |
| respectful, honest, and loving relationship. In your | | | | a positive direction opening our mind, heart, and |
| pursuit of this relationship, you continuously find | | | | soul to what life can teach us. |
| yourself frustrated and disappointed by the people | | | | |