| No relationship is without stress, disappointment, | | | | 6. Spending too much time either in the future or |
| problems or frustration. Regardless of whether | | | | the past. |
| you have been married for 50 years, dating for 6 | | | | 7. Inadequate self-disclosure. |
| months or living together for anything inbetween I | | | | 8. Unwillingness to accept the other person for |
| will guarantee that sooner or later you will make | | | | who he/she really is. |
| or have made one of the following relationship | | | | 9. Reacting to behavior - rather than the person |
| mistakes. | | | | behind the behavior. |
| There are many more than the 20 listed, but | | | | 10. Invalidating the other person's opinions, values, |
| after over 30 years presenting relationship | | | | beliefs and/or attitudes. |
| seminars around the world I can tell you these | | | | 11. Not managing your expectations or |
| are the most common ones. | | | | attachment to the other person's outcomes. |
| Any of these do not have to cause the end of | | | | 12. Inability to forgive yourself and/or the other |
| the relationship. But they often do because | | | | person. |
| peoplerefuse to; | | | | 13. Seeing the other person as having faults |
| -Take responsibility for their own behavior. | | | | rather than a reflection of your own expectations |
| -See their personal blind spots. | | | | or prejudices. |
| -Grow as a result of these challenges or | | | | 14. Trying to change your partner. |
| behaviors. | | | | 15. One or both of you have low self-esteem. |
| -Accept their partner unconditionally. | | | | 16. Emotional manipulation like blame, guilt or anger. |
| -Admit their own personal agendas. | | | | 17. Not maintaining a romantic outlook regardless |
| Here are the 20. | | | | of your age. |
| 1. Taking the responsibility for other peoples' | | | | 18. Always thinking the grass is greener on the |
| feelings, attitudes or emotions. | | | | other side of the street. |
| 2. Carrying old baggage from the past into a new | | | | 19. Not understanding the needs of different |
| relationship. | | | | personality styles. |
| 3. Not managing conflict in a positive way. | | | | 20. When one or both people have an out of |
| 4. Stuffing feelings, fears, desires, frustrations and | | | | control ego. |
| emotions. | | | | Remember it is easier to turn a friend into a lover |
| 5. Not sharing your needs or desires with your | | | | than a lover into a friend. |
| relationship partner. | | | | |