| Many people see my constant, happy smile and | | | | and attract other similar energy and bring us back |
| make instant assumptions about me and my past. | | | | much more in return. |
| However, my childhood was a pretty traumatic | | | | To begin the process of self-love, we have to |
| one. In the bad old days, as I call them, I would | | | | ask ourself these questions. When did I last give |
| pass a mirror, momentarily liked what I saw but | | | | deliberate thanks for...waking up and seeing |
| then suddenly, and inexplicably, would start telling | | | | another day?the people in my life?the things I |
| myself that I was 'crap', that I 'hated' myself and | | | | have been blessed with?the talents I have?the |
| I was 'pathetic'. I had buried my trauma deep | | | | faculties that still work?my beauty, life and |
| inside me, refusing to face them and, slowly, it | | | | experiences? |
| took its toll in a continuous lack of self-love and | | | | Do I just take everything and people around me |
| low self-esteem. Gradually, and painfully, I learned | | | | for granted? |
| that I had to sort out my past, face it and move | | | | When did I affirm and reinforce someone? |
| on, and then begin the slow process of self-love. | | | | Third, what do you wish to do with that life? We |
| The wonderful result is clear to see now. | | | | are not talking about your job here. We are |
| At the root of our main problems is likely to be a | | | | talking about your PURPOSE. What makes you |
| lack of self-love. It is much easier for us not to | | | | want to jump out of bed in the mornings, makes |
| love ourself because the natural instinct to blame | | | | you want to fly, thrills you with a warm glow |
| always seeks a scapegoat. When we do not wish | | | | when you think of it? That's your purpose. If you |
| to blame someone else for the hurt, pain or | | | | are feeling generally unhappy, you have not |
| unappreciation we feel, we go inwards with the | | | | identified your life purpose yet, otherwise you |
| anger and beat ourselves up instead. | | | | would be almost delirious with excitement, as I |
| For example, victims of racism are likely to loathe | | | | am every day of my life. My work is just magic. I |
| themselves or their children, likely to tell their | | | | can actually see the difference it makes to others |
| children how 'ugly' or 'horrible' they are, | | | | and that is so empowering - both to me and the |
| externalising the self-hate they feel. The same | | | | receivers. You are probably just doing your job |
| with victims of domestic abuse. They usually | | | | for the sake of the money, trapped by a |
| blame themselves for the violence, being willing to | | | | mortgage or being a slave to material things. That |
| believe that they must have done something to | | | | will not make you feel good in the long term. It |
| deserve it and they are not worthy of anything | | | | will not give you much value. When we are living |
| else. This lack of self love merely perpetuates the | | | | to purpose the world is our oyster and everything |
| negative situations, reinforcing the very behaviour | | | | we want gradually comes into being. We don't |
| which is hurting them. | | | | even have to try too hard, we just do our best |
| Self-love is the Key | | | | and the Universe delivers. |
| To value, feelings of worth, inclusion significance | | | | Keep out of the past unless it is positive! |
| and ultimately respect. We cannot earn the | | | | Fourth, I have learned that when we keep ourself |
| respect of others if we have no respect for | | | | in the past it is because we don't like our present |
| ourself. We cannot expect others to love what | | | | too much. We probably feel isolated, excluded, |
| we reject if we have no love for ourself and we | | | | unloved, unappreciated, so we secretly blame |
| cannot expect value from others if we give | | | | ourself, we use our depression to maintain |
| ourself no value. What happens in our life happens | | | | attention, but of a sort which, sadly, alienates us |
| in circular motion: whatever we feel we then give | | | | from others and have counter-productive effects. |
| out to our world which comes back to us ten-fold | | | | In short, our current unhappiness helps us to hark |
| through the natural Law of Attraction. So if we | | | | back to the past to remind ourself of how terrible |
| feel awful and negative, we give that out, the | | | | we are while making our situation worse. |
| energy we send out attracts similar negative | | | | We keep the negatives stuck in our head, |
| energy which then returns to haunt us even | | | | perhaps for sympathy, instead of facing them, |
| more. That is why certain people constantly have | | | | acknowledging them, forgiving OURSELF and |
| negative experiences. Nothing will change until they | | | | others and moving on. I could not forgive until I |
| change their thought processes. So you need to | | | | found love .. my own self-love. To find true love |
| be careful what you focus on because that is all | | | | from someone else, you have to love yourself |
| you will get in life! | | | | first. No one can love you for you. |
| However, how do you begin to love yourself | | | | But people who live in the past tend to take their |
| when others might not have affirmed or loved | | | | present for granted, while many others have not |
| you? | | | | been so privileged to have one. We have no |
| A very good question, not so glib to answer | | | | present or future if we live in the past. We are so |
| because it is difficult to do. It means you have to | | | | busy looking back there, we have no time to |
| try to overturn years of negativity and being | | | | make a future or to appreciate what we have. |
| undervalued by parents or lovers. However, it | | | | Hence we come across as selfish and ungrateful. |
| starts with establishing 5 things: | | | | Someone once said, "If you want to know what |
| The value you place on yourself, | | | | your future will be like, look at your habits now". |
| Gratitude for your life and blessings, | | | | Whatever habits you have today will dictate your |
| What you wish to do with that life, | | | | tomorrow. If you have negative habits that keep |
| Self-appreciation and living in the present and | | | | you stuck in the past, you will only keep getting |
| Self-forgiveness. | | | | what you've always got. Your future will be no |
| Who is Your Personal Manager? | | | | different from today. Your habits, the way you |
| First, begin by looking at yourself from the | | | | do things now, will guarantee that. |
| outside. Ask yourself, if you were your own | | | | So, in a nutshell, we have to stop beating ourself |
| manager would you employ you? Would you | | | | up over past actions, stop aiming for perfection |
| employ someone who puts you down, tells you | | | | and stop comparing ourself to others, otherwise |
| how terrible you are, beat you up for every | | | | we will always feel inadequate. You also have to |
| mistake, loathes you and does nothing to | | | | appreciate your limitations, praise yourself DAILY |
| motivate you? One who forces you to put up | | | | for being a wonderful and unique human being. |
| with violence or putdowns, to be treated like a | | | | Stop seeking the approval of others when the |
| doormat? Of course not. Yet you constantly do | | | | only standard should be your own, and look |
| that to yourself! Time to sack that personal | | | | outwards to others in love and appreciation than |
| manager, that little voice of negativity within you, | | | | just focusing on yourself. |
| and get a new motivational one! | | | | I have found all these to be most helpful in |
| Second, begin to give thanks for your LIFE and its | | | | developing self-love but, most of all, accepting |
| blessings. Your time on earth is very precious | | | | myself as I am and giving thanks for every new |
| because many people have no life. Theirs have | | | | day of my life, instead of taking it for granted, |
| been taken while you are still enjoying yours. | | | | has been the biggest factor in nurturing my self |
| Appreciate that simple fact and give thanks. It is | | | | love and moving me from feeling like 'crap' to |
| a fact of life that the more we give thanks is the | | | | feeling fabulous and fantastic. |
| more we have to be thankful for (that Law of | | | | I hope this has been of some help. |
| Attraction again). Our gratitude energy goes out | | | | |