| > | | | | Hampshire University that the first lesson of |
| | | | growing up is this: the world doesn't revolve |
| Make time to acknowledge your feelings on a | | | | around you. There's a lot of talk in this country |
| daily basis. Give yourself time to just be — | | | | about the federal deficit,' he said. 'But I think we |
| have a cup of tea or go out into the garden. | | | | should talk more about our empathy deficit - the |
| There are certain items a woman knows she | | | | ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; |
| needs in her wardrobe of life skills: ambition, | | | | to see the world through those who are different |
| independence, fearlessness, self-belief, a sense of | | | | from us - the child who's hungry, the laid-off |
| fun. But she will get more 'wear' out of these if | | | | steelworker, the immigrant woman cleaning your |
| she also has empathy - a classic that should | | | | dorm room.' |
| never go out of fashion. | | | | Young Americans live in a culture that discourages |
| Empathy is the ability to understand and share | | | | empathy, he said, pursuing goals such as being |
| what somebody else is feeling. You hear a | | | | rich, thin, famous, safe or entertained - goals that |
| woman sobbing on the phone to her ex-boyfriend | | | | don't expand you spiritually or improve the world |
| and recall the ghastly break-up that had you in | | | | you live in. Broaden your ambit of concern, he |
| tears for months. Or you see refugees on TV | | | | encouraged, 'because it's only when you hitch |
| and, having been robbed and left stranded at | | | | your wagon to something larger than yourself |
| Madrid Airport with no money for food, you have | | | | that you will realize your true potential - and |
| an inkling of their fear and desperation. | | | | become full-grown'. |
| If you don't have Time to Acknowledge your | | | | We begin grasping the fundamentals of empathy |
| own Feelings, How can you Recognize them in | | | | as young children. Between the ages of four and |
| Someone Else? | | | | six, you learn to recognize your own feelings. By |
| Empathy differs from sympathy ('Poor you; I | | | | the time you're eight, you understand that you |
| wish you could feel happier') and compassion | | | | have feelings and so do others: He's crying |
| (Things are tough for you; you seem to need | | | | because he's sad. I've been sad too.’ In |
| help'). Simply put, empathy is, 'I know how you | | | | order to recognize emotions in others, it's |
| feel'. Psychologists note that we tend to divide | | | | important to learn to separate our own emotions |
| others into 'people like me' and 'people different | | | | into specifics such as 'I'm sad/ angry/frustrated |
| from me' - sometimes with sinister results, as the | | | | scared/jealous' (instead of merely 'I feel bad'). |
| recent spate of local attacks against foreigners | | | | Do we lose our empathy muscle as adults? |
| showed. Empathy helps us transcend superficial | | | | Have we become dangerously hardened to the |
| differences, possibly reaching the ultimate state of | | | | plight of others? We don't lose the ability to |
| 'empathetic maturity' where we see all other | | | | empathize as we grow up but it does get |
| people, regardless of their gender, social status, | | | | skewed a bit. Studies show that we're more likely |
| education, nationality or age, as being 'like me'. | | | | to feel empathy for people who are similar to us |
| So, what's in it for you? Perhaps the most | | | | in culture and lifestyle, and those we see |
| underrated human trait today, empathy can help | | | | frequently. It's far easier to understand someone |
| you resolve (or even prevent) bust-ups with your | | | | who is similar to us and to be sensitive to what |
| man, mother or irritating co-worker, and also | | | | they're going through. It takes more effort to get |
| have you smiling serenely at aggressive drivers | | | | to know someone from a different background |
| and feeling generally more empowered, more | | | | and understand their world-view. People tend to |
| connected to others and more at home in this | | | | fear what they don't know or understand. Which |
| fast-spinning world. | | | | might explain why racism and xenophobia are |
| In Her Shoes | | | | burning issues in our multicultural world. We are |
| Empathy is an essential component of emotional | | | | becoming a society that has sadly moved away |
| intelligence. If you're able to put yourself in | | | | from the spirit of Ubuntu’ (humanity |
| someone else's shoes and try to see things from | | | | towards others; a person is a person through |
| their perspective, the likelihood exists that a | | | | other people). |
| peaceful solution may be found during conflict. You | | | | The Relationship Rescuer |
| don't have to agree with the other person or | | | | Empathy builds healthy relationships. Besides being |
| know exactly what they're going through to have | | | | the secret ingredient in successful conflict |
| empathy for them. | | | | resolution, it gives you a greater sense of self in |
| Our Empathy Deficit | | | | your interactions with others. |
| Many of us live in a 'me-me-me' world, intolerant | | | | Empathy can make daily life more manageable, |
| and judgmental of others. We bristle at the | | | | cushioning you emotionally from the thoughtless |
| slightest inconvenience, sigh at slow cashiers or | | | | actions of others. Continuous empathy as a |
| vent our rage in banks. This as a growing trend | | | | lifestyle is the only way to maintain relationships |
| caused by our fast-paced lifestyles in | | | | these days. Consistent empathy for people from |
| overcrowded cities. We're so stressed that we | | | | all walks of life is the key - from your partner to |
| lose the time and space to reflect on how we're | | | | your gardener to the man who smashed into the |
| feeling. Also, if we feel we're not being heard, we | | | | back of your car. It's about understanding what |
| say nothing. Feelings build up over time and | | | | led to their reaction or response. |
| express themselves as, say, road rage. If you | | | | It comes from a belief that everyone on earth is |
| don't have time to acknowledge your own | | | | trying their best with what they've been given |
| feelings, how can you recognize them in someone | | | | and what experiences are granted to them - |
| else? | | | | even serial murderers have reasons why they do |
| Barack Obama told students at Southern New | | | | things. That is the empathy we need to strive for. |