| 1. Leave your own concerns to one side. You | | | | 12. Don't get defensive. If you are being given |
| can't focus on somebody else if you are also | | | | some feedback, listen to what the person is |
| thinking about your problems, to do list or | | | | saying. Don't interrupt with reasons until you are |
| concerns. This leads onto | | | | very clear what the person is saying. They may |
| 2. Allow yourself sufficient time. If you have to | | | | have some helpful comments to make that you |
| dash off to a meeting, you will want to go at a | | | | will miss if you interrupt their flow. |
| quicker pace to suit you, not the person who you | | | | 13. Don't formulate a response until the other |
| are listening to. | | | | person has finished speaking. You will miss out on |
| 3. Talk less than you listen. We have two ears | | | | some of the things they say. |
| and one mouth, so have your communication in | | | | 14. If there is a silence, don't rush to fill it. Wait |
| the same proportion. | | | | twice as long as feels comfortable for you. Give |
| 4. Use eye contact. It is hard for someone to | | | | the other person time to think. |
| continue to talk with someone who is not looking | | | | 15. Put yourself in their shoes. Don't criticise or |
| at them. | | | | give advice, don't rush to fix it. See the issue |
| 5. Show some non-verbal behaviour. Make use of | | | | from their perspective. |
| nods of the heads and uh-huhs etc. All of these | | | | 16. Be aware of your prejudices. Are there |
| encourage the other person to say more. But | | | | certain words (vulgar language) or people |
| don't just use them ad hoc when you are not | | | | (background) that "get under your skin"? Think |
| really listening. It devalues them. | | | | about what you can do to be less judgemental. |
| 6. Demonstrate rapport. When you are truly | | | | Perhaps you could say that for the next 20 |
| listening and interested in the other person your | | | | minutes you will concentrate on them and let e.g. |
| body language will be congruent. There is a | | | | their views on immigrants wash over you. |
| matching of posture, tone of voice etc. You can | | | | 17. If you are listening to someone via a |
| help by leaning forward in your chair, or by tilting | | | | telephone you need to try even harder to |
| your head to the side. | | | | demonstrate active listening skills. Make sure you |
| 7. Summarise what the person has said. So they | | | | are not typing, turning pages of a magazine, |
| know you have heard them. This can be a good | | | | shuffling papers etc. All these things demonstrate |
| way to move the person forward. This is | | | | that you are only half listening. |
| reflecting back content. | | | | 18. Eliminate external distraction. If you are in a |
| 8. Reflect back feeling. Do you get a feeling that | | | | location, which is hot, cold, noisy or uncomfortable, |
| the person is sad, angry, etc? Let them know. | | | | look to move to a different place. You can't |
| "You sound a bit sad to me?" | | | | concentrate if you are in a situation, which |
| 9. Don't pretend. If your attention has wandered, | | | | demands a lot of your attention. |
| be honest. Ask the person to repeat what they | | | | 19. Seek feedback on your own performance. |
| have said, rather than to guess. Your honesty will | | | | You can improve your skills in this area through |
| be appreciated. | | | | getting feedback from other people. Ask people |
| 10. Be patient. Sometimes people will be muddled, | | | | to tell you if they felt heard. Seek out ways you |
| or verbose. You can help them to tell their story, | | | | can improve. It will not only be helpful with that |
| but don't rush them at a pace too quick for them. | | | | person next time, but also when you are actively |
| 11. Avoid "Me too" comments. If you are paying | | | | listening to other people. |
| attention to the other person and wanting to help | | | | 20. Pay attention to other peoples listening skills. |
| them, avoid discussing how it affects you. Think! | | | | Notice in what ways other people make you feel |
| Will this help the other person? If not, leave it to | | | | listened to, and those people who don't. It will help |
| another time. You risk hijacking the conversation. | | | | you to choose how you can develop further. |